How to Get the Most out of PTA Meetings in Israel

By Shalom Iskowitz, Director of Educational Services and Mentoring Program at Hakshiva

For many parents, PTA meetings are their only opportunity they get to find out how their children are doing in school. These meetings are a precursor to their child’s report card –a heads up one way or another about what they can expect on the bi-yearly evaluation. Since this is many parents only contact with their child’s mechanech/et and the school, it is important to know how to prepare yourself to get the most out of these meetings.

Before talking about the PTA meetings themselves, it is helpful to step back a moment and think about whether the description above is really the best model of the parent-teacher relationship. Ideally, the PTA meeting should not be the beginning and end of your relationship with the mechanech but instead part of an ongoing relationship. PTA meetings tend to be very brief (10-15 minutes at most) and even a well-prepared parent can only get so much out of these meetings. This is not enough time to both create a relationship with a teacher and hear about how your child is really doing both academically and socially. Instead, it is important to lay the groundwork for a fruitful relationship with the mechanech already at the start of the year. Find a time to call the mechanech early on in the year to introduce yourself and let him know how and when he can reach you if he needs to share something with you regarding your child’s school performance. By doing this, you set the tone for building a positive and fruitful relationship with the teacher. You are letting him know that you are interested in a partnership with him in educating your child and that you are available and interested in being involved. This simple investment can go a long way over the course of the year or two that your child will be with this teacher.

With that groundwork in place, we can move on to how to get the most out of the bi-yearly teachers’ meetings. As a starting point, it is helpful for you to clarify what your expectations and hopes are for these meetings. Think about what your own experiences were like in school growing up and how you felt about your own teachers and the school administration. These feelings often color your expectations when you come to meetings about your child even if your child’s school experience is vastly different than your own. Ask yourself what areas of your child’s school experience are you most concerned about – social, academic, behavioral– so that you can be sure to address these during the meeting. Since the teacher may have other concerns that he wants to discuss with you, clarifying your own questions and interests beforehand can help you ensure that you cover these issues as well.

Inevitably, when you go for your meeting, there will probably be some waiting time. This is a great opportunity to get to know what it feels like for your child to be in school. Walk around the school and get a feel for it. Is this a pleasant physical space in which to be? Would you want to come here every day? Visit the bathrooms – a place about which your child has probably complained. When you do go into the classroom, find out where your child sits. Try sitting in his/her seat to see what it is like for them. This can be used as an opening for a conversation with your child about school – “Did they ever get that broken door fixed? – and how’s it going otherwise?”

As you wait for your turn, this is a good time to focus on your mindset for the meeting. Think of this as a team-building time. You are meeting with the person who spends more time with your child each day than you do. You want to be able to work together with them for the good of your child. Also, it is important to realize that your child’s teacher also has certain thoughts and concerns about meeting you. The mechanech may be wondering what you think about them, if you will be open to hearing what he has to say, if you will be on board to work with them to help resolve issues with which your child struggles. Teachers would also like to get useful information from and about you. This is their opportunity to get to know you a bit and find out what your child is like at home and if it differs from school. And, of course, this is their chance to give you a picture of how child is doing in school. If your child is having difficulties, this is a chance to work together with you in helping your child in that area.

Again, one ten minute slot cannot cover everything or solve every problem. Here are some specific questions and areas to help you focus the time and get the most out of it:

• If there were certain things that bothered you when you were in school, these are questions to ask the teacher about.
• This is your opportunity to find out about homework and testing styles, as well as the teacher’s expectations of your involvement.
• If there are areas where you would like greater communication between the school and home – e.g. not knowing about certain tests or homework assignments – this is the time to bring it up.

Aside from the content of the conversation, this is also a time for you to build a positive relationship with the teacher. Here are some tips to help you when you want to bring up an issue or problem:

• First, find something positive to say to the teacher. E.g. “my son really enjoys the mussar schmoozes that you give”, “my daughter likes when you discuss relevant issues with them.”
• Then ask a neutral question in an area that is not loaded – “How is my child doing with friends?” “What is classroom environment like?”
• When bringing up a problem or complaint, use a non- confrontational style. E.g. “One thing I’m confused about…” or “my child came home with something – I know it’s her perspective but wanted to share it with you.”
• If you are bringing up a major issue, this is not the best setting for it because your time is very limited. But it is a good time to schedule another, longer meeting when you can talk about it with the teacher in depth.
• Ask “what can we do to help my child at home?” This expresses your interest and willingness to be a partner in your child’s education.

If the teacher brings up a problem, you may be a bit thrown and it is natural to feel defensive on behalf of your child or even a bit angry. However, to help your child best, it is important to be willing to listen. Rather than challenging the teacher, try saying “I’m glad you are bringing this to my attention” and ask to hear more about it. Find out how long this has been going on, how the teacher understands the issue, and what the teacher thinks could help the situation. This will help build trust with the teacher and make him more open to hearing your perspective. Only then share your understanding of the issue and what you think could help as well. Attacking the teacher or blaming him and the school probably will not get you the results that you want – namely a partner in helping to solve the problem and help your child.

The mechanech is also your address to talk about issues your child is having with his other teachers. The mechanech usually gets a report from the other teachers on how your child is doing in other classes as well. You can ask him which other teachers he thinks you should see. Also, if there is a problem with another teacher, the mechanech can guide you in how to handle the situation.

You should try to address issues with the mechanech directly. Occasionally you may find that your child’s mechanech is not helpful and he is not a willing partner to work on an issue. If you have not been successful in speaking directly to the mechanech, you should set up a meeting with the principal to discuss the situation.

Your relationship to your child’s mechanech and other teachers can have a profound impact on how your child’s school experience and how attentive and cooperative his teachers will be with problems and challenges that arise.  By doing your “homework” for the PTA meetings, you can set the tone for a productive and positive relationship with the mechanech, other teachers and the school.